The end of the new Fight Club in China raises the question: how far can censorship go? COMMENT | Virginia Blackburn | Columnists | Comment

Brad Pitt in Fight Club (Photo: Reuters)

However, in a new cut of the film in China, the Narrator is killed and the explosions are replaced by a black screen and text that reads: “Thanks to the clue Tyler provided, the police quickly figured out the whole plan and arrested everyone. the criminals. , successfully preventing the bomb from exploding.

We then learn that Tyler – fruit of the imagination of the Narrator – was sent to an “insane asylum” where he received psychological treatment before being released in 2012.

Cue harumph all around! But I think the Chinese might be onto something.

Here’s another alternate ending: Mary Poppins doesn’t fly off to find the next nanny family. Instead, she takes over the role of Mr. Banks at the bank, has the mergers and acquisitions team take over the chimney sweeps guild, strips their brooms and brushes, sends the children to the chimneys of London to save money and invest in a private jet to fly because umbrellas are so early 20th century.

By the time the bank collapses due to its debts, it is long gone.

Much more filling than all those spoonfuls of sugar, isn’t it?

Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. (Image: Donaldson Collection/Getty Images)

And while we’re at it, can’t we change a few more endings somewhere else? Shouldn’t Goldilocks be made for breaking and entering, not to mention mush theft?

They’re also remaking the movie Snow White and a fight just broke out about the seven dwarfs (dwarfs – watch out filmmakers! Go wake up, go ruin yourself!); couldn’t they rather have them as a trans tribe, living their best life in an atmosphere of inclusion and tolerance in the middle of a forest, doing regular podcasts to share their wisdom with the world?

Cinderella might reject Prince Charming for feminist reasons – doesn’t she have the right to earn a living? – and Hansel and Gretel could be exposed for the brutal little thugs they so clearly are, terrifying women of age and the associated skin conditions.

And given their consumption of gingerbread houses, they were almost certainly obese. In Jane Austen’s next endless adaptation, couldn’t someone go wild with a machine gun?

Apply that to absolutely any movie in which someone wears a beanie.

The Godfather could renounce violence and become a pacifist. Scarlett O’Hara could run away with Melanie Hamilton, before becoming a strong advocate for people of color.

The Lion King could feature what lions really do when they take over a pride (I’m not writing it here; far too upsetting for words), while the next James Bond could be in touch with his female side, strongly anti-drinking, smoking and carrying guns and maybe even a woman, maybe a lesbian.

Wait a minute: delete that one from the calendar. On recent projections, it’s getting way too close to home…


The best phrases all took the shape of a pear

Traditional British sayings are on the way out: in a survey of 2,000 people, 78% had never used the phrase “Pearls before pigs” and 66% had never said: “A nod is also good
like a wink.

What a shame and thank goodness for people like JK Rowling, who came across an old word for a bumblebee and used it to name her character Dumbledore.

My support bubble, meanwhile, always responds to “How are you,” with “Absolutely, thank you,” which is a much livelier comment than “I’m fine, your.”

I nail my colors to the mast: we should all know our onions on this one. I really want to revive these sayings, even if it seems that
a storm in a cup of tea.



For every Michael Douglas, there is an Eric Douglas

Various Beatles descendants have come out this week: Heavily bearded James McCartney was pictured barefoot and in sandals, despite the freezing weather, while Julian Lennon has to sell Beatles memorabilia as NFTs.

You have to feel for them: it’s not easy being the sons of two of the most famous men of the 20th century (although James had considerably more luck in the paternal stakes than Jules.)

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For every Michael Douglas, who was as successful as Kirk, there is an Eric Douglas, who alas was not successful.

You wonder why they both chose a career in music.

Stella McCartney is a pain but at least she chose a different field.


Rogan or young

Neil Young performs on stage

Neil Young performs on stage in Hyde Park. (Image: Matthew Baker/Getty Images)

Hearts flew at the news that Neil Young has asked to be removed from Spotify unless he stops giving anti-vaxxer Joe Rogan a platform, until I see
the ad wording. “They can have Rogan or Young,” he announced. “Not both.” Always a bit disturbing when someone starts referring to themselves in the third person, isn’t it?


Charlotte is the mane of the Chanel show

Charlotte Casiraghi rides on the podium

Charlotte Casiraghi on the catwalk during Paris Fashion Week. (Image: Stéphane Cardinale – Corbis/Corbis via Getty Images)

Hats off to Charlotte Casiraghi, who showed up to the Chanel Spring/Summer show in Paris on a horseback, dressed, of course, in head-to-toe couture. Charlotte is the daughter of Princess Caroline of Monaco and her late husband Stefano Casiraghi, but this staging was pure Hollywood. Charlotte’s grandmother, the late Grace Kelly, would have been proud.


Gotta love these two eejits in Ireland who allegedly took a corpse to a post office and tried to claim his pension. It reminds me of the novel Soho by the late Keith Waterhouse, in which various characters pick up a corpse on a pub crawl. The only establishment to oppose it is the one from which it was banned…


Janet Jackson, revealed that her late father Joe sometimes woke up his children by putting matches between their toes and lighting them. Frankly, it’s a miracle they didn’t all end up like Michael.


Northampton University Dunderheads have issued a triggering warning for George Orwell’s stunning and chilling Nineteen Eighty-Four, saying it could be ‘offensive and disturbing’. Isn’t that exactly the point?

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